Masturbation Tehniques

Try this simple test. If you stare at the pattern in this picture long enough you can see a woman giving a man a blowjob. You have to watch very closely and let your mind go blank. Eventually your eyes will look past the Autoblow Blast, look past the pattern, and then suddenly, the image will become strikingly clear. In fact, once you see it, you won’t be able to see anything else; it’s as if the pattern has completely disappeared.

Can you see it?

Keep looking.

How about now?

You can’t see it can you. Don’t worry. Do you see the Autoblow Blast in the center of the picture? Then that is all you need. You see, the Autoblow Blast is the world’s fully automatic blowjob machine. Did you get that? Blowjob machine. That means a) it dispenses blowjobs and b) it’s a machine. It’s there for you to blow you at your will.

You just lube up, slip inside the inviting silicone sleeve, switch on the multispeed controller and let the silver beads embrace your cock and go about their joyful work. It’s your deep throat blowjob on a plate, well a bed if you want to be pedantic about it.

You don’t have to waste your time staring at eye-crossing patterns in the hope you might see some other lucky asshole getting a blowjob. You are guaranteed a blowjob with this machine, and a very good one too. If you want it to go faster, just flick the switch, if you want it to go slower, just flick the switch. Can you imagine doing that with your girlfriend or wife? No. Can you imagine getting blown when you feel like having it and not when she feels like doing it? No.

So once you’ve finished staring at this picture, come to your senses and visit www.robotic blowjob.com. There you’ll find the world’s first fully automatic blowjob machine with a 15% discount right before your eyes.

Then all you have to look out for is the anonymous plain package arriving in the post. Now that really is a sight for sore eyes.

www.roboticblowjob.com

Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, the man famous today for bringing the world Corn Flakes, was actually more famous in his life time as an advisor on sexual matters and for running a successful health sanatorium. In 1881 he wrote the first edition of a book called ‘Plain Facts for Folks Old & Young’. Among many of its lengthy chapters was a chapter on ‘Solitary Vice’ which was widely regarded as a pernicious evil:

“That solitary vice is one of the most common causes of insanity, is a fact too well established to need demonstration here. Every lunatic asylum furnishes numerous illustrations of the fact. “Authors are universally agreed, from Galen down to the present day, about the pernicious influence of this enervating indulgence, and its strong propensity to generate the very worst and most formidable kinds of insanity. It has frequently been known to occasion speedy, and even instant, insanity.”

It was generally regarded as essential to nip monkey spanking in the bud before a range of illnesses, including consumption, paralysis, dimness of vision, epilepsy, and of course, insanity, took a firm hold of the victim.

What follows are some of Dr. Kellogg’s recommended treatments:

Cool Sitz Bath.—The cool or cold sitz bath is one of the most efficacious of all remedies. It should be taken daily, and may often be repeated, with benefit, several times a day. Its effect is to relieve the local congestion, and thus allay the irritability of the affected parts. When but one bath is taken daily, it should be just before retiring at night. Full directions for this and other baths are given in works devoted to the subject of bathing.

Ascending Douche.—This is also a very useful means of allaying irritation, especially the reflex excitability which is often present in the muscles in the vicinity of the perineum and prostate gland, and when there is pain and fullness in these parts.

Abdominal Bandage.—This may be worn nights to very great advantage by most patients. It not only allays the irritability of the nerve centers which are closely connected with the genital apparatus, but serves to keep the bowels in a healthy condition. It should not be applied so continuously as to produce a very profuse eruption on the skin. If such a symptom should appear, discontinue the bandage for a time. When worn during the day-time, it should be changed once in three or four hours. It is generally best to wear it only nights.

Wet Compress.—This is an application to be made to the lower part of the spine for the purpose of allaying the excessive heat and irritation which often exist there. It may also be worn nights, as it in some degree prevents the danger arising from sleeping upon the back.

Local Cold Bathing.—The genital organs should be daily bathed in cold water just before retiring. Simply dashing water upon the parts for two or three minutes is insufficient; more prolonged bathing is necessary. A short application of cold occasions a strong and sudden reaction which increases local congestion; hence, the bath should be continued until the sedative effect is fully produced, which will require at least fifteen minutes. The water must be cold; about 60° is the best temperature. Ice should be used to cool the water in warm weather. It should be applied thoroughly, being squeezed from a sponge upon the lower part of the abdomen and allowed to run down.

Enemata.—The use of the enema is an important means of aiding recovery, but it has been much abused, and must be employed with caution. When the bowels are very costive, relieve them before retiring by a copious injection of tepid water. The “fountain syringe” is the best instrument to employ.

The good doctor goes on to explain:

The greatest impediment to recovery is usually found in the mind of the patient. His hopeless despair, melancholy, sullen apathy in many cases, want of energy, and fickleness of mind, thwart all attempts that are made for him. In other cases, the want of willpower, or neglect to exercise the will in controlling the thoughts, completely counteracts all that can be done for him. He must be made to understand this well, and then all possible means must be employed to attract his attention from himself, from brooding over his ills. Occupy him, interest him, or teach him to occupy and interest himself. The enthusiastic study of some one of the natural sciences is a most excellent auxiliary in effecting this.

There is of course one masturbation technique that doesn’t require hands that is guaranteed to give you an earth shattering orgasm every time. We refer of course to the Autoblow Blast, the world’s first fully automatic blowjob machine.

Instead of risking Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) hand cranking yourself to a hard won climax ,just lube up, slide the Autoblow over your cock, set the controls, sit back, and relax. The Autoblow allows you the luxury of focusing on your fantasies instead of your technique.

The Autoblow simulates an expertly delivered blowjob, with micro-beads riding the full length of your shaft inside a soft, inviting silicone sleeve.

Yes, technology has finally gone below the belt to deliver the best automatic masturbation technique. This is masturbation with all the control and none of the hard work. And when was the last time your hand successfully mimicked the sensations of a breathtaking blowjob? Not in this lifetime.

The multi-speed controller blows you at the pace you want, slow if you want it slow, and fast if you want it fast. In fact, the Autoblow will masturbate you faster than your hand could possibly hope to manage over a much more sustained period.

Of course there are those of you who will say that hand relief is free and the Autoblow costs. True, but then again walking into town is free and taking the car costs, and which one gets you there in more comfort and style?

Autoblow Blast. The best way to drag yourself screaming and moaning into the 21^st century.

Masturbation techniques are any and if you are still simply relying on the loose fist and little lube, it’s time you discovered what else is out there and tried a little experimentation. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Perpetual pussy

Here’s a masturbation technique that will feel like you are getting soe perpetual pussy. Make a fist, but instead of grabbing your penis, push the tip through your fist. Keep going until the tip is about to come out the other side, then continue the “vagina” with your other hand. Keep rotating your hands, one in front of the other, as you perpetually penetrate an endless vagina.

The Milkman

This masturbation technique guarantees a thumping good delivery everytime. Lube up both hands, then make a ring around the base of your penis with your thumb and one finger. Slide the ring from the base towards the tip. As you reach the tip, repeat the motion with the other hand. Ideally, you want to be starting at the base with one hand just as the other is reaching the tip. All strokes go from the base of the penis to the tip. A strong erection and a very strong orgasm are common with this technique.

Hot and Steamy

For this masturbation technique you need to get butt naked. Wait until you’re alone at your home, then run your shower on its hottest setting for a few minutes. Let the bathroom and shower get really steamed up, then shut off the water, dry your hands, get into the shower, closing the door or curtain and masturbate normally. The heat from the floor of the shower and the rising steam will add sublime pleasure to your session.

Shock waves

Here’s a masturbation technique that will set off mini shockwaves through your entire body. Try gently pinching the loose skin just below the tip of the penis. Begin rubbing your fingers together, as though you were feeling a piece of soft cloth. You won’t feel much until you hit the final surge, but it will come on like a wave.